How It’s “Supposed” To Be

I haven’t had many profound revelations lately.

Honestly, blogging has been hard in the past months. Not because God isn’t moving but because life looks so incredibly different than it used to. My weeks are jammed pack with lesson planning, emailing parents, grading papers, leading 2 lifegroups, discipling girls, running my church’s social media accounts, and somewhere in the middle, finding time to invest in my friendships and my relationship.

And… quite frankly…. most of the revelations I DO have are about dating. A lot of my time with God lately has consisted of talking to Him about my relationship. I don’t know if that’s “right” or “wrong” or what. But in the past week, the Boy and I have seemed to be climbing a mountain in our relationship.

It’s been marked by difficult conversation after difficult conversation, miscommunication after miscommunication. It’s been exhausting. We’ve both been tired… physically and emotionally.

Saturday morning, we sat in his car and just looked at each other. And I managed to say what we were both thinking, “Is it supposed to be this hard?”

Neither of us had the answer for that. I even used the phrase “Are we trying to make Ron Swanson date Leslie Knope? Maybe Ron and Leslie aren’t supposed to be together.” (Yes… I did say this in a legitimate serious conversation. And yes, I might’ve been crying a little bit.)

And then we just decided to try. We decided to keep pressing in. To give this relationship our all. We talked about the areas that were hurting the other person, we decided to forgive each other, to consciously try to improve, to ask God for wisdom and to move on. And we got out of the car and went to breakfast. And suddenly every ounce of heaviness just disappeared. And I sat across the table and laughed with my best friend and enjoyed my breakfast with him.

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I will not quit in a difficult seasonThat’s not the point. Seasons are called seasons for a reason – they change. And I will not let a difficult season define if my relationship has substance or not. I will not bail when things get hard. I am a woman who presses in to the hard things. It’s at the very core of who I am. I am not one who bails. And the difficult seasons are going to be the things that create the depth and strength our relationship needs.

Because here’s the thing. I don’t care what it’s “supposed” to look like. I don’t even know what it’s “supposed” to look like. I don’t know what I’m “supposed” to feel or how our conversations are “supposed” to go or how often we’re “supposed” to be having these conversations. I just know I’m submitted to God’s will for my life and He directs every detail of it. I know that God is the one who clarifies and defines the boundaries in our relationship. I know the guy I’m dating loves Jesus and is submitted to His will as well. I know the guy I’m dating is trying his hardest to pursue me to the best of his ability. I know the guy I’m dating is submitted to community and seeking wisdom from friends. I know the guy I’m dating serves me consistently and makes me laugh on a daily basis. I don’t know what it’s “supposed” to look like. But I know those are the facts. And I know he’s worth choosing to fight for.

Yes, our relationship might be Leslie Knope dating Ron Swanson. But maybe in God’s kingdom that relationship works out. And maybe it doesn’t. Maybe in a few months we’ll realize it wasn’t meant to be. And that’s okay.

But I will always choose to believe the best. I will always choose to press in for clarity. And as his girlfriend, I will fight for him.

But I also know this. I will not base the foundation of my relationship off of what I feel in a difficult season. 

I write this not to air my dirty laundry or expose all of my secrets. And to clarify, I am not miserable in my relationship. In fact, I am crazy about this guy. He consistently amazes me with his growth and humility and patience. And he’s worth sticking around for.

I write this to prepare those who are not yet in relationships. 

When you start dating someone, you will have all sorts of ideas of what it’s “supposed” to look like. And I’ll break it to you now… It most likely won’t look like that. There will be glorious parts that are way more fun and better than you ever thought they’d be. But there will also be moments and seasons that are harder than you expected.

Don’t ditch when the unexpected happens. Get to the other side of it. Let the glory in your relationship rise to the surface with the ebbs and flows of life. And rid yourself of the idea of how things are “supposed” to be. Let God write a brand-new story that has yet to ever exist.

It’s not supposed to look like anyone else’s story. it supposed to look like yours. 

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