We’re Not Dating

Reading through a news website the other day, something popped up that caught my eye. The title read something to the extent of “New TV Show – Married at First Sight.”

So of course, I clicked on it. Apparently, there is in fact a new reality show called “Married at First Sight.” The premise is that two people are paired together after psychologists, counselors, therapists, and most likely the President, have all done research and concluded that they are, on paper, the “perfect” couple. And they don’t just start dating the first time they meet. No sir, this is not “The Bachelor.”

They actually get married. The first time this bro ever lays eyes on this chick, she is walking down the aisle towards him in a white dress, cameras rolling.

These people have signed legal documentation agreeing to get married to a perfect stranger and stay married for at least 6 months. At the end of those 6 months, they can decide to get divorced or stay together.


There are so many things about this that fires me up.

So here I go.


#1. Our society WANTS to get married. And not just society in general… but Christians WANT to get married. My friend was telling me that most of the people on this show are church-goers. Marriage is powerful. It is a threat against the forces of Hell and there’s something within us that knows that. I’m not saying that people who aren’t married or those that choose a life of singleness are not completely in the will of God for their life. God uses singleness just as much as He uses marriage. One is not greater than the other. I’m saying that marriage is a weapon I believe God uses to bring freedom and light to places of darkness. God designed marriage to be a partnership and a representation of His relationship with the Church. Therefore, Christians should have the most powerful and influential marriages in the world.


#2. Despite the fact that Christians want to get married, we just want the marriage part now. No Dating. We’ve become an instantaneous generation. We’re over the pursuit, the waiting, the time. We’re ready for the end result. We’re ready for our spouse to walk into the room, stick out his/her hand and say “Oh hi I’m ________, and by the way, I’m your husband/wife.” I’m preaching to myself – a woman who has been known to say, “If dating, engagement, and marriage all happens in under 6 months, that’s fine with me!” (I have literally said that. Ask my friends. Get over yourself, Courtney.)

But we’re missing something HUGE. We’re missing the intimacy… the pursuit that only comes through time… the dating. We don’t date. Young adult dating is SO weird because it doesn’t exist! We hide behind the masks of dating sites or new apps like “Tinder” where we can hope to find someone without bearing the possibly awkward interactions of talking to the people sitting next to us at Barnes and Noble and taking the TIME to get to know one another.

We don’t want to wait. We want to read profiles and see what this person is like, all facts up front, without actually talking to them first. We want to see if their “About Me” matches our “checklist.” 


There’s no “Hey, how’s your day going?” while sitting at a coffee shop.

There’s no “I think you’re great. Would you like to get dinner sometime?”

There’s no “I really want to get to know you better. Can we get coffee?”


Because we just want the spouse. We put pressure on that one interaction to be THAT ONE interaction that we’ll always remember as the moment we met our spouse.


Young adults.



Men, stop second-guessing if you should ask a girl out and just ask her to dinner! Be confident! Tell her you think she’s great and you want to take her to dinner.

Women, be approachable and friendly! Get to know people around you. Be intentional!

The person you talk to does NOT have to be your husband/wife. But we must stop relying on the world to give us our instantaneous marriages and shallow intimacies. 


We must work for intentionality. We must fight for the purity of our hearts and preserve the days of slow, rich pursuits, where first kisses don’t come for a long while and if there isn’t a second date, nothing is lost because all that is gained is quality interaction with another human being. 


May we be the generation that resurrects pure and holy intentionality. May this be the foundation we build our marriages on. 


One thought on “We’re Not Dating

  1. Wow. Insightful post. Especially needed with this one guy I’m kinda talking to and I may be putting too much pressure on that ONE interaction and then I delete his number out my phone becuz things were unsuccessful. But then again dating is never mentioned in the bible. Dating is kinda modern concept since the invention of vehicles so us young peeps can have that privacy lol. Nevertheless a thought-provoking post 🙂 It’s important to take time to know people and be intentional.

    Liked by 1 person

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